A Funny Thing Happend at Sam's Club

Usually these stories are titled "A funny thing happened on the way to ...", but this is probably as witty as I'm going to be for tonight.

Sam's Club - a giant warehouse filled with the largest possible quantity of every known food item in the universe. For those of you unfamiliar with Sam's Club, its like Costco. For those of you unfamiliar with Costco, its like the price club where Kramer bought the Beef-A-Reeno (note to people who "don't get Seinfeld" - the rest of us "don't get" you).

I have often joked it would make a pretty good reality show to send hungry people into Sam's Club with $100 and see what they came out with. It wouldn't be any Tommy Lee Goes to College, but it might have a short run on the reality TV list. Why? Because hungry people love peanut butter, Sam's Club carries very large containers of peanut butter, and somebody eating peanut butter directly from a five gallon bucket is extremely funny.

So my wife and I stop by Sam's on the way home from work to get diapers and formula. Why, because there couldn't be anything more boring. I like to think that I used to be cool, but the truth is that I just didn't have kids and didn't have to stop at Sam's for these particular items.

No trip to Sam's is complete without a swing through the clearance section, and there it was - a 61" television marked down to less than half its original price. $1150 - it comes out to $18 per inch (diagonally of course, to measure a television horizontally would just be pandemonium). Long story short, we took home the diapers, formula, and the television. Special thanks to my friend "Terry" (whose identity I will protect by using a fake name that rhymes with his real name), and his wife who is also my friend but her name doesn't rhyme with anything...., wait a minute... his wife "Oksana". She'll be thrilled to know I made her a Russian figure skater. Well better that than to be left out I suppose.

And I guess there isn't much left to say, except that when I'm standing across the room - I never squint to see the television. It is maximum strength television. You can see the picture of course, but there isn't really anything to give a relative size. I could have stood next to it, but

1. You would see my face and I would give away my true identity, thus spoiling my pseudonym and bad jokes about protecting people's identity by using names that rhyme with their real names.
2. You would be able to see that I am fat
3. I'm really starting to question this whole pseudonym/fake name joke thing. I suppose it will make more sense if anybody I don't know personally ever reads this.

And as is the true test of any video device for a man in his mid-thirties - Star Wars looks great on it. Thank you, George Lucas, for releasing these on DVD. And profane insults for making Greedo shoot first and then re-releasing the original-originals again next year.

If you read this, please drop me a line with an honest comment, that way I know if anybody is paying attention. Although I guess I probably look like a guy who would ramble on when nobody is paying attention anyway.