I Have Nothing Nice to Say

I have nothing nice to say about tonight's hockey game. And when I have nothing nice to say I figure it makes sense to turn to two time Stanley Cup champion Ron Francis. He usually has something nice to say.

And to those of you who said hockey would never catch on in North Carolina, look at this picture I took Wedsnesday night at game 5. There is the proof you are wrong... Or maybe its the proof you are right. I'm not sure anymore.

But I am sure about this - the fat lady will be singing in Raleigh Monday night. Whether she's singing O Canada or Carolina In My Mind is all that remains to be seen.

Music trivia - what Beatle played on James Taylor's self-titled debut album? Click here and see the answer near the bottom of the page.

Game 6 Tonight

I have been a baseball fan since I was twelve. That's a little late I suppose, but nobody in my family was a baseball fan. But ever since then, I've been a Chicago Cubs fan. I'm no stranger to disappointment. The great thing about the Cubs is that more often than not they disappoint you by missing the playoffs altogether (but not always). So as a Carolina Hurricanes fan today is a lot more tense for me.

However, I can say this: As a Cubs fan, I am willing to sacrifice the Boston Red Sox entire season for a win tonight.

Also - I have learned that the fat lady with the good voice did travel to Edmonton and will be in the stadium tonight. Nobody knows if she'll be singing or not.

Game starts at 8:00pm EST.

The Quest for Lord Stanley's Cup

The coolest trophy in all of sports is The Stanley Cup. Care to argue? I don't. I am right.

Most sports give trophies every year. The Stanley Cup remains one single trophy, yet it changes a little bit every year. Each season all of the winning players have their names engraved on the cup (some of the longer player's names are actually continued on the next cup). Finally, as it fills up the rings are retired and put in the hockey hall of fame. So a player's name stays on the cup about 52 years.

Personally, I am a fan of the Carolina Hurricanes. The 'Canes had a chance to lift Lord Stanley's Cup this past Wednesday, but couldn't seal the deal. Why? There are several theories:

• While tailgating a friend went to relieve himself in the nearby woods (because the lines were slightly shorter there than at the port-o-potty), and right in the middle of things found a black cat staring at him. (No animals were harmed while writing this post)
• During the singing of O Canada, an over-zealous fan shouted out "THE CUP IS OURS!!!". I just felt this was rude, and thought at the time I would blame him were the Canes to lose the game.
• My wife watched part of the game at her cousin's house. I watched one baseball game in that house, and it is the only sporting event more disappointing to me than Wednesday night's contest. (NOTE: I don't blame Steve Bartman for the fairly natural act of catching a ball - there was a very Bill Buckner-esque play after that, and there was a game 7 too)
• Fernando Pisani intercepted a soft pass from Bret Hedcan and beat Cam Ward for the first ever shorthanded overtime goal in an NHL final game.
• I turned on the camera. When the 'Canes won, I wanted that celebration picture. You know, the one where the players all gather together and pat each other on the head? I thought it would be a great picture to show people right before the one of Rod Brind'Amour raising the cup. But I shouldn't have turned the camera on. Here's the picture that I didn't take (I linked to it from somewhere else, I hope that's legal. Also I hope that the picture is still there).

So, somewhere there's a fat lady with a good voice just waiting to see what happens. I'm not sure if she's actually at the game or not, they might not make her go unless it goes to game seven.

For actual intelligent commentary about the Stanley Cup playoffs, please see Ron Francis' Blog. He not only used to play hockey, his name is on that trophy a couple of times.

Thoughts on The Muppet Movie

Since I have a three year old son, from time to time I re-watch The Muppet Movie . Ok, I would still watch this movie once a year on my own. It is a good movie, with a lot of adult humor in that you didn't get when you were a kid.

I still think one of the funniest lines ever is Rowlf the Dog explaining to Kermit "I finish work, go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk and go to bed". You could never say that in a movie these days a get a "G" rating. Things are just different now, and I think people would be more sensitive about mentioning beer in a children's movie.

However, I don't think that it matters. I doubt this ever encouraged any other puppet dogs dogs to drink beer. Probably not any real dogs either.

I Didn't Want a Blog

I didn't want a blog (blog, short for weblog, which is Latin for "my Saturday nights are usually free"). I wanted to be a humor columnist. This is nothing against blogging, but working the software industry I generally associate them with the sort of "online journals" (journal - male for "diary") that some companies actually encourage their employees to keep. I actually think this is cool, but it isn't what I was trying to do. I was trying to be some sort of composite of the humor columnists that I grew up reading - who incidentally are all retired or dead. I guess I figured there was an opening.

One big difference between a blogger and a humor columnists is that humor columnists get paid, which I thought was a pretty good goal for the future, because I like money. Well, it isn't really that I like money, so much as that I like guitars and digital gadgets, and money is the preferred method of acquiring these. So for a while I wrote a column somewhere that nobody I didn't give a link would ever find it, and referred to myself as an Internet humor columnist - which is loosely defined as a somebody who is too chicken to go tell jokes at an open mic night, but hopes that somebody might pay him to write someday. A friend pointed out that what I was doing was a blog, and it would be easier to do it at a proper blogging site because the software is better suited to the what I am actually doing.

So here goes... hopefully they will get better as time goes on. If you actually think anything is funny, please tell me. If you don't think so, I want to hear that too (I'm expecting more in this category). If you want to sell me any sort of pill that will affect the size of my toe, this isn't even my email address (Note: when I use bold, italics, and underline together, that sometimes means that isn't the "real" word, that is a "television edit" - picture it in a different voice, like on TBS)

So, here is tonight's worthless observation:

I believe Van Halen is the greatest American rock band ever. Want to argue about it? I don't, that's why I prefaced it with I believe. It is art, you can believe anything you like about it, but this is what I believe.

Tonight, David Lee Roth was on The Tonight Show singing a bluegrass version of Jump. Normally right here I would put a funny definition of "bluegrass" in parenthesis, but I sorta used up tonight's good stuff on the introduction. Its late, I'm tired, and that "Oh the humanity!!" thing from when the Hindenberg crashed keeps playing in my head.

There is a song by the band Drive By Truckers (who are cool by the way, try them out), where the lyric mentions the fact that "the secret to a good ending is knowing when to roll the credits". I am not certain where "the right spot to roll the credits" was, but Diamond Dave missed it. I'm really sure of one thing, "the right spot to roll the credits" occurred several years before I ever saw a bluegrass cover of a Van Halen song.