How Worthless Observations Work

When you spend time writing an Internet humor column that is read by almost nobody, it stands to reason that a small fraction of almost nobody have asked themselves, "How does he constantly make those observations?... those worthless observations". Well it goes like this:

• See ordinary situation
• Notice something ridiculous
• Try to use lots of side jokes and links to wikipedia to make it look like you did something


• Try to find an uncopyrighted picture to use at the top - If one is unavailable, use picture of Cubs hat.
• Swear profusely at the editor provided by blogspot, it is quirky about lists, which I rely on. I'm not sure why lists are funny, but they are.

I like NASCAR racing. There are two kinds of people in the world, those who think that NASCAR is boring, and those who enjoy it. By neatly dividing the world into these two categories I have sort of glossed over people with motor coaches who follow from track to track like people used to follow The Grateful Dead, people who get tattoos of their favorite driver's number even though he is likely only a contract dispute away from it changing. Well, certainly these folks are in the "enjoy" category. The people who think that it is boring don't do anything fantastic in protest to make worthless observations about.

Even as a fan of the sport, there's good races and bad - and bad generally means boring. It varies from track to track. There is a common misconception that race fans just like to see wrecks. By and large this is not true, although a good wreck is a little like a hockey fight. You could enjoy the sport without it, but it makes things a lot more interesting. What makes for a boring race is a track designed by a traffic engineer that is made with plenty of room to pass. What you want for a race track is enough room to pass. If there is never an issue with two cars battling for the same piece of space, this will not make for an exciting race.

Tonight I found myself wanting to write, but I had a rough week and not too much seemed funny, or ridiculous enough to make a worthless observation about. Then I turned on tonight's Sponsorship 500 on television. I'm not saying that this was a boring race, but at one point I looked up and former crew chief Larry McReynolds was performing a version of the classic "Saw a Woman in Half Trick". Ah, that's good ridiculous.... throw in a few wikipedia links and a picture, and I have something fit for almost nobody to read.

I was able to find a diagram of sawing a woman in half... but the Cubs won today. I'm just trying to be funny. If you read this please click here to and drop me an honest comment so I at least know somebody was paying attention.

Stunning Revelations in Pizza Acquisition

Earlier this afternoon I was watching last night's Nextel Cup Race (I haven't finished it yet, so when none of my ones of readers don't post comments, don't tell me who won). They have a new layout where they don't seem to go to commercial during green flag racing, they just show the commercial in a smaller screen. This eliminates the most famous phrase in auto racing, "While we were away". Also, it answers the question if accidents occur if there are no commercials.

One of the "commercials" that appeared at the bottom of the screen was for Papa John's Pizza, who to be honest I don't order from very 0ften, but I do find them to be the best of the chain pizza places. For years, you have been able to order a pizza from Papa John's online. Call me old-school, I like to talk to somebody when I'm ordering a pizza. After watching fireworks with my family Friday night, it was proven to me once again that most McDrivethru's cannnot tell the difference between "only onion" and "no onion", so I figure the odds of getting the pizza I wanted, delivered to the proper address, in a timely fashion, are somewhere in the neighborhood of George W. Bush's current approval rating (note, this is my topical/political humor for the evening). I should probably give them a chance, but frankly there is another pizza place closer that has a pretty good deal if I pick it up myself.

However, the "commercial" pointed out that there is a new URL: mobile.papajohns.com. This is that you use to order a pizza, from the website, with your mobile phone.

So unless I have missed something, this means that finally, in 2008, you can order a pizza from a mobile phone. Well I for one say "its about damn time" (that was my adult humor, to prove I'm not totally 'G' Rated). I'm all for ordering pizzas with a phone. I'm not so certain about these half-screen commercials, but I think its probably good.

The Cubs hat? Well, they took two of three from the Cardinals in St. Louis. Things are looking... not too bad.

I'm just trying to be funny. If you read this please click here to and drop me an honest comment so I at least know somebody was paying attention. Also, if you can think of a reason you would order a pizza using a mobile device and not just call to order the pizza, please let me know that too.